final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
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