This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
two words...techno handjob
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Randomize
