You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
