I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
