I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
