I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
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I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
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So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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