If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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