My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
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Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
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Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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