ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Randomize
