My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Randomize
