At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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