If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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