Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
