I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
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