apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I FOUND THE LEGS
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
