Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Randomize
