There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize
