Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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