i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
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