i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Randomize
