The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
there is puke in my bra ... again
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
