everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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