it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
