We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
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