So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
