The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
