Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
