Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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