how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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