am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Randomize