Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
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Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
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And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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