I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
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