A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
They are going to name an STD after you.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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