i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Randomize
