I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Randomize
