i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
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