so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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