i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
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he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
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We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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