Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
