I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Randomize
