we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
