When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
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I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
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we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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