no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
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