just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
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