But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I think I just shit out all my problems.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
