My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
