I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
