His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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