Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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