Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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