there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
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