drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
