there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
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