youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
wakey wakey hands off snakey
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
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