I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Randomize
