I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
