I think my vagina is haunted
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
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