i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
cat food counts as protein by the way
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Randomize
