Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
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