I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
