Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Randomize
