I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
sarcasm needs its own font
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
