I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
