So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Randomize
