Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
