I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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