i was born a porn star she said
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
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