woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
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My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
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I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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