Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
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