Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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