Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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