also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Randomize
