I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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